Posts tagged friendship

WELL THIS IS GREAT.. (<—that was sarcasm by the way).

So on tuesday I had my theatre showcase for the class I was taking at the local college. And I realized several things:

1. I am absolutely falling in total complete horrible love with singerboy.

2. He has a girlfriend, and too many morals to cheat/do anything bad to her. Even though she’s a bitch.

We hung out ALL DAY, not only us but our whole class. I really love the kids this year.. in the past they’ve been catty and obnoxious, but the group this year became really close. There was no scapegoat, or mutually-hated person to trashtalk or make fun of. Which is a good thing!

But anyway. Singerboy, and his friend (who I kind of had a thing with last year.. we’ll call him sixfootthree since he’s super tall), and I hung out for a while too. And as the night went on I realized that I’m growing to like singerboy more and more. And I’m really going to miss him now that the class is over.

The entire day, people in the class were commenting on us.

“PSST! [My name]! He is SO in love with you, screw [his girlfriend], you guys belong together!” (whispered to me)

“Aww you two are so cute, I honestly think you’re going to get married one day” (in response to us cuddling)

“OMG YOU TWO NEED TO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY SO THE REST OF US DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR EXCESSIVE SEXUAL TENSION!” (shouted in front of the class, no joke. It was awkward when he found out about singerboy’s girlfriend - he thought we were both single!)

…The comments went on.

And honestly, I really like him! He’s nothing like the guys I’ve gone for in the past… but he’s nice and smart and talented, and I’m happy when I’m with him. Which is what’s important.

Too bad he has a girlfriend.

:(

Baffled and Blonde~

Let’s just say things aren’t going how I’d expected. I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that I’m single; I’m much more hesitant to flirt than I used to be - I keep feeling guilty. I saw singerboy today and I didn’t really talk to him because honestly I miss shyboy.. I might eventually start pursuing singerboy, but for now I’m not jumping into anything. I’m going to try to focus on myself for a change, instead of boys. Anyway, I think he likes somebody else.

My best friend came back from his college visit today, and it was nice to see him after the few days he was away. He’s friends with shyboy (they’re bandmates) and he said he’s doing better than we all thought he would. So I guess that’s good. I just want to talk to him and make sure he’s okay, but I know that isn’t possible. At least not yet.

I know it’s only been a few days since we broke up, but as you know I’m not a patient person, and I just want to get the awkward first-period-after-a-breakup out of the way.

Thank god for sleep, and my bed, and my friends.

Baffled and Blonde~

Singerboy came over today. I was really nervous for him to come, but I think that had more to do with the fact that he was coming over (I’m always nervous when somebody comes to my house for the first time) and less about who he is.

We legit talked for 3 hours straight. I love being able to do that with someone… We both checked the time and were equally as surprised to learn that three hours had gone by so quickly. Talking to him is so easy! We just discussed our lives, and whatnot. I learned a lot about him, and I told him a lot about myself. He’s really easy to open up to, whether it be about relationships, or school, or my parents.

We talked a lot about girls and boys, and sex, and stuff like that. Turns out, we look for the same sort of thing in a girl/boy. He told me he’s trying to get with this girl from our theatre school, who’s a dancer, and I was a teensy bit jealous for a bit but then I realized it was stupid. I can’t want him for myself; I have a boyfriend! I need to be happy for him and help him talk to this girl…So I said I’d help him. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be a bit relieved if she turns out not to like him back. Because I only see him once a week, and I don’t want him to spend those few hours with her if it means I lose a friend.

I love finding people I connect with so well!

Off to (procrastinate) do some homework,

Baffled and Blonde~

Singerboy and I have been facebook chatting for the past 5 hours nonstop. And it’s not even stupid conversations… We’ve been having an in-depth philosophical conversation for five straight hours. I’m actually having a hard time believing it myself, he’s just so easy to talk to!

We saw each other today, and it was actually a bit weird since one of his other friends was there, and me and him used to “talk” (I guess that’s what you’d call it). Both of us have significant others now, but it was weird seeing him considering the last time we hung out we both wanted to make out. Singerboy and I flirted more, but I think my affection for him can be more classified as a “friend crush.” I wouldn’t mind going out with him, but obviously that’s not going to happen and that’s fine. I find myself gravitating towards his energy and personality, but today it seemed to be more as a friend and less of a prospective love interest. Which is great - it eliminates my inner stress about my boyfriend versus this new boy. I mean, singerboy called me beautiful, and said he loves talking to me, and complimented me in all sorts of ways.. but I’m pretty sure that’s just who he is and he’s not meaning it in any way other than a friend. Which is really awesome, because I really want him as a friend! So shyboy can stay my boyfriend!

Speaking of which… I gave him his Valentine today and he loved it. He told me he read it 4 times and couldn’t stop thinking about it. He said he wished he could write because he wanted to write me one but he just couldn’t make the words flow. It’s been a good Valentine’s Day, even though I didn’t really get to see my boyfriend (I blame the ridiculous amount of homework I was assigned..), and right now I’m enjoying life (EXCEPT FOR ALL THIS HOMEWORK).

Let’s hope this contentedness is from actual-real-life-pleasant-events and not just sleepiness-induced euphoria and craziness.

I should probably get some sleep.. I have an insane day tomorrow.

Or I could keep talking to singerboy….

:)

Baffled and Blonde~

I’m conflicted. Over boys, what else? I think a combination of reminiscing and hormones are making me crazy, and although I’m trying my best to change it’s hard.

I’m taking a Broadway class, that I’ve taken every year (it’s not at my school) and each year there’s been a guy in the class who I’ve liked. Something about the warm weather (it’s been weirdly spring-ish lately) and just being in that class with some of the same people is awakening all sorts of strange feelings.

I miss the old days, when I was single and totally free to flirt with anybody I wanted to. There’s a guy in my class who totally flirts with me, and if I was single I’d be completely flirting back. We were all talking today, about sex and partying and shit, and it just made me miss my single days (it hasn’t even been 2 months and I’m already making it seem like it’s been years..) when I could do whatever I wanted to and not be blamed for it. I’m quite happy where I am, with shyboy, but hanging out with this guy really made me question my relationship and how ready I am to be committed. I do not like commitment, this has been established, but I never seem to be happy when I’m single.

I feel like such an asshole for feeling this way, but I really can’t help it… Shyboy has the amazing looks, the sweet personality, and the budding popularity. He’s the epitome of a high school athlete, complete with a varsity jacket and an inflated ego. But this new boy, let’s call him singerboy, is totally different. He’s a total sweetheart, but he’s as outgoing as shyboy is shy. He’s nerdy-cute, plays the guitar, and sings like it’s nobody’s business. Honestly, we have a LOT more in common than shyboy and I do, but I’m not about to dump my boyfriend (whom I really like) for a guy I barely know (and who lives like half and hour away - he can’t drive, so yes this matters).

Again, I think it’s just the hormones talking. I really like shyboy, and singerboy will make a great friend. I can’t help admitting that I’m excited to get to know him better, but that doesn’t mean anything. Right? Anyway, the future is unwritten and who knows where I’ll end up?

Always with the boy problems,

Baffled and Blonde~

I just want to take an uninterrupted moment and express my appreciation for my friends. Nothing is bringing on this post, I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I don’t show as much love as I should towards those who stay true to me. So here goes.

I used to be really shy, and so disconnected from everybody that I never really noticed how often my friends are there for me. But as I said before, I’ve really been changing this year, and my confidence as a person (and not just as an actress) has been developing as my insecurities fade. And in this moment, I’m realizing exactly how much my friends mean to me and how much I love them.

To anybody who reads this:

Take a minute and thank your friends for being there for you. Whether it be in person, or in your head, or online, just take a moment and think about all they’ve done for you and just say thank you.

Baffled and Blonde~

The night turned out okay :)

Let’s backtrack…I’ll start from the beginning.

I’d heard about this Halloween party all week from various kids at school, but I never really planned on going (I didn’t have a costume yet). But at around 9:30 my friend called me with a ride, so I jumped at the opportunity (there was no way in hell I was walking in the fucking SNOW). HOWEVER, my parents are paranoid so as I was leaving the questioning began… the final verdict was NO, I could not leave because the weather was bad and I’d stayed out late last night. I should have known (I told you, they’ve been cracking down on me because of the whole “bad grades” fiasco..). So I texted a few of my friends, figuring they could help me escape since I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. Let’s just say I didn’t get what I expected.

At around 10 my friend (goofyboy, let’s call him) rings me saying he’s coming over with an “upgrade” from hookupboy, one who is not drunk at all and wants to hang out with me instead of staying at the party. The guy (he was one of the ones from last night) is super shy but really nice (and really cute!). So I agreed. Goofyboy would bring him over, and we’d hook up, and my night would be made better (until I’d have to deal with hookupboy..but that’s beside the point).

HOWEVER. At 11 I get a call from another friend, telling me she’s calling to “warn me.” I was very confused. “Warn,” I say, “why?” Apparently she’d just seen shyboy fall down the stairs in a drunken daze, while being led off by goofyboy and another one of my friends. So I call goofyboy, and make it VERY CLEAR not to bring anybody into my house drunk while my parents are here. “Don’t worry,” he says, “we’re not drunk at all!”

THIS KID… -___-

A bit later, I hear some (loud) noises outside.

Voice 1: “YO, so here’s what’s going on. You’re gonna hook up with her, then you can go home. But ONLY if you hook up with her. Understand?”

Voice 2: “Haha man, this is so great, they’re gonna thank us later..”

Voice 3: “wherree areee wee goiingggg….?” (<—that’s slurred speech right there)

Five minutes later, I have a VERY drunk shyboy successfully sneaked past my parents and sitting in my basement, with a very clear message from goofyboy (before he totally dipped): “HOOK UP WITH HIM.”

We didn’t end up hooking up. We just talked for a while, which really surprised me (I usually jump at the chance to hook up with guys.. ESPECIALLY if I’ve been given such clear instructions to..). I sobered him up and then called goofyboy to walk him home.

I have to say, it was quite a night. Fun, though, in a totally unexpected way. I wish I could, but I can’t really communicate the strangeness of tonight.

Hoping tomorrow brings more surprises,

Baffled and Blonde~